A New Normal !!!

Oh, how I miss both of them!!!  I haven't seen Colby since July 4th weekend and Tucker since July 15th.  I never realized until this summer, after Tucker passed, that for almost 26 years, I have been consumed with taking care of others.  Colby left home in 2005, Tucker was 7 at the time.  He was healthy and in his prime but still I had to make sure he was cared for.  If we were going out of town, I made arrangements for boarding or Tamela, Jen or Anna to come over 3 times a day. While scrapbooking at Paper Moon, must take breaks and run home to let him out.  He developed seasonal skin allergies, at first I took him to Ben for a shot of cortisone about twice a year.  Then I decided to change his diet to raw food.  That did the trick!  But then he developed degenerative discs.  That was a frightening day.  I was sitting on the bed next to him, reached over and rubbed his back, all of a sudden, he arched up to his feet, making an awful sound and unable to move.  God bless him and Jen who I called crying.  She came right over and we took him to Ben.  From then on he took Prednisone and Tramodol for his back pain.  We changed, his routine around a little.  The biggest change was he could no longer stay in the house alone without being in his crate.  Also, we let him relax and cuddle with us on the bed, but when time to go to sleep, I would pick him up and put him in his crate!  All of this to avoid him further damaging his back by jumping on or off bed, stairs, and so forth.  This became our "NEW NORMAL".

  New Years Eve of 2012, Tucker had his first Grande Mal seizure.  It was awful and lasted bout 30 minutes.  The post seizure time was about 4 hrs.  March 3, he had another in the early morning, we handled that one a little better.  Memorial Day weekend was his 3rd, Scott was home alone with him while I took Jacob home.  Then in July, while at the vets office, because he was not eating and didn't seem to feel good, he had another.  Anna held him thru it and they were able to give him Valium which lessened the severity and duration.  Ben gave him fluids and left his IV in over the weekend in case he felt bad again but we thought he was feeling better both Fri and Sat nights.  Then at 2:06 am, Sunday, July the 15th, Tucker had his last Grande Mal seizure.  He died during or at the end of this seizure.  It was brutal, my guess is that he had a heart attack or stroke during the seizure.  I cried for days, and could barely stand the pain of missing him.  That's also how I felt when Colby went off to school.  All of that to say, grieving a loss and finding a "NEW NORMAL", has taken on new depth for me.  I'm realizing that not only my actions were all about Colby/Tucker but my thoughts and emotions as well.

  

I knew when Colby left home, I missed the level of activity and noise.  The night time routine, hearing the rice bag hit the wood floor and the voice from upstairs saying "Mom, will you put my rice bag in?" Going upstairs, to touch her sweet forehead and wish her goodnight by saying "God bless you and keep you while you sleep"!  Even the hectic mornings were missed!  I desperately missed HER, but I also think I missed caring for her, I missed that purpose that had been priority and "NORMAL" for 18 years!  Thanks to cell phones, I heard from her often and knew that she had made a good choice for herself.  For every Mom, there is huge peace in that understanding!  While I floundered thru, Celeste called one day and introduced me to this adorable shop called Paper Moon.  I learned to scrapbook, and made made some new friends.  The rest is history, I moved into Paper Moon, started project after project , taught other people to scrap and found my"NEW NORMAL".

This summer I have been forced to grow a lot.  I'm still grieving my loss but counting my blessings.  Colby is healthy and happily married 4 years now.  Tucker no longer suffers with any ailments, we were blessed by him for almost 15 years.  We ran into a couple many years ago when traveling with Colby and Tucker.  They bred Miniature Schnauzers and told us to call if we were ever interested.  I kept their number and have been in contact.  They remembered us (Tucker) and have given us the opportunity to have the "pick of the litter" when they have their next puppies.  At first I was disappointed because they didn't have any puppies this summer.  But now I know, that patience pays off.  They are expecting 2 or 3 litters this winter. 

I'm excited about dealing with these breeders, and anticipating the joy of yet again a 

"New Normal"!